Slow internet: a selection of horror stories
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Slow internet: a selection of horror stories

A collection of slow internet horror stories, not for the faint of heart. Brought to you by your favorite purvey of fast, reliable fiber internet.

Oh hey there… What’s that? You’ve heard that I’m the master of the scary story? Well, you heard right. Have you ever heard the one about the town with the terrible Internet connection? Actually, that’s too terrifying to post here, I don’t think my editors will allow it. But I can give you a sneak preview of some of the horrors the townspeople faced if you think you can handle it.  Here are (insert ominous organ sound) some of the scariest things about slow internet.

The Scariest Super Bowl 

As the guy with the gargantuan 75" TV, Jerry was chosen to host the yearly Super Bowl party. The game was a real nailbiter, coming down to one final play at the end of the fourth quarter. Everyone was on the edge of their seats. The ball was snapped, the quarterback rolled left and then—the video froze. 😱

Terrified screams rang out as they all pleaded with the Internet Gods to resume the live stream. Instead of an answer from the Gods, however, what they heard was the neighbors’ yells of, “Yes, Pats!” As scary as the video failure was, imagine Jerry’s fear as his friends slowly turned towards him with a less-than-friendly look in their eyes. Alas, if Jerry had gone with the lightning-fast speed and reliability of live-streaming friendly fiber Internet, this story would have had a very different ending.

The Disappearing Customers

In the beginning, all was well. Customers swarmed into Cathy’s Cafe for the coffee and stayed for the Wi-Fi. But one day, the Internet suddenly began dropping out. An embarrassed Cathy assured her customers that it would be fixed soon but then the true horror started—the cafe’s Internet and Wi-Fi became unbearably slow.

She frantically called her Internet service provider, but they just chalked it up to “infrastructure issues.” Meanwhile, her regulars began disappearing. Walk-ins would have one drink, then pack up their laptop and leave in disgust. On her way home one day, she passed by Janet’s Coffee and saw that all her old customers were in there. 😱

She dropped to her knees in the pouring rain and screamed at the sky, “Why didn’t I get fast fiber internet like Janet?”

closed sign
Photo by Lisa Luminaire on Unsplash

The Ghost of Gaming Past

With her powerhouse of a gaming machine and considerable skills, Sandra was known in the online gaming community as one to look out for. This was before she moved out on her own and chose a “high-speed” cable Internet provider. However, she didn’t factor in wildly varying actual speeds and high-traffic slowdowns. Sandra’s gaming experience and status as a top-tier campaign player went down the tubes because her Internet couldn’t keep up. 😱

Thankfully, this all happened years ago. Now she’s on Ting Internet and gets precisely the Internet performance she expects. But whenever she hears the words “cable Internet,” a shudder goes down her spine.

The Chilling E-Shopping Incident

Tom and all his friends were beside themselves with excitement because their favorite band had decided to reunite for one last tour. They were up bright and early and had a simple plan. They would all try to get tickets when they went on sale—at least one of them would have to be successful. What they didn’t consider is that they all used the same slow Internet provider.

The sale went live, and they raced to get through the shopping process. While the seller’s website handled the traffic admirably, Tom and his friends’ lagging connection meant their pages loaded slower than all the smart cookies with fast fiber Internet. Needless to say, they never got tickets to the sold-out show and had to hear about how great it was from that smug jerk Gavin in accounting. 😱

The Deadly-Slow Download

Emma had a whirlwind night packing and preparing for her last-minute work trip the next day. When she woke up in the morning, she remembered that it would be an eight-hour flight and she’d need some entertainment. Thankfully, she had a bit of time before leaving for the airport so she decided to try Netflix’s download feature for the first time. She chose her first movie and hit download. She was horrified to discover that, looking at the progress indicator, it was obvious downloading even one movie would take hours. 😱

As scary as that realization was, it was nothing compared to the horror of the in-flight entertainment she had to endure: two back-to-back Vin Diesel movies. 😱😱😱

Have no fear with Ting Fiber Internet

This Halloween, you should be watching ultra–high definition scary movies, without being scared they won’t stream due to slow Internet. Fight that fear with unbelievably fast and reliable fiber Internet from Ting. You’ll download faster, stream smoother and game more reliably. Ready to upgrade your Internet? See if you can get Ting at your address!

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